


Unexpected

by Darkenrose



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Avenger family, Bucky Barnes Feels, Death, F/M, Miscarriage, Nervous Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Science Bros, Shooting, Tony Stark Has Issues, WARNING SWEARING, magical objects
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-12 12:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9071503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkenrose/pseuds/Darkenrose
Summary: While living in England you had a brief affair with a criminal. Not just any criminal  but one wanted by governments and secret agency's. In those brief moments you were together you helped heal each other. Now almost a year later you meet him again, in the most unlikly of place. Living in your Godfather tower.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer- I don't own the Avengers.  
> Y/N= Your Name  
> L/N= Your Last Name

Note- _Thoughts_  
 

\--//--//--//--

 

For the past three days Tony Stark had consumed far too much caffeine to be healthy. He bounced around the renamed Avenger tower. Tweaking, and fiddling, and mending this and that. While he mumbled under his breath with excitement.  
The others watched him carefully, aware that the genius hadn't slept in days. On the eighth day Tony was bubbling with excitement.  
"Just wait till you meet her," he said slurping the last of his third coffee of the hour. He glanced down at the cup sudden  then back at the people in the room, focusing on his favourite science brother. "Brucie?!" He promptly shut his eyes and fell asleep standing. Steve Rogers jerked forward to catch him before he fell to the floor.

"You're sure we should have done this?" Bruce Banner looked guilt at his friend.  
"It's for his own good, Bruce." Steve picked up Tony over his shoulder while comforting the other man.  
"Beside I enjoyed the chance to drug him." Natasha Romanoff gleamed from her position by the kitchen island. Drugging  Tony was almost as much fun as drugging Clint.

"Who do you think he was talking about?" Clint asked, leaning beside the counter  while taking a slow mouthful of his own coffee. He then paused as if hearing Natasha's thoughts. He gave her a sideways glance while holding the hot liquid in his mouth. The smile she gave him was more suited to be on a Cheshire cat then a human. He kept eye contacts and gulped loudly. Clint blinked twice before sending her a glare. Having realised at once that nothing was happening. "I hate you sometime." He muttered.

Natasha chuckled moving past him with all the grace of a feline and purred out. "I know." Before disappearing with Steve and the unconscious Tony to help put him to bed. Clint muttered darkly to himself. Bruce simply shrugged, and the shadow in the background felt his lips twitch in amusement.

\--//--//--//--

It was late in the evening when Tony reappeared in the group living room. Sleep clouded eyes and hair sticking out at every angle. He half hearted shot a glare at everyone as he shuffled toward one of the large sofa's.  
"I hate you all." he growled. Before he fell face first onto the pillows, his forehead resting on Bruce's thigh. "thank you."  
Bruce gave a small smile, thankful the other man didn't hate him before returning to his latest book.  
Clint grunted and nudged Natasha with his elbow. The two were playing and showing Steve Mario Cart from the pillow fort on the floor.  
The dark shadow by the wall tilted his head. Listening to something before disappearing towards the dark kitchen around the corner.  
Tony groaned and raised his head muttering about the time before calling out. "FRIDAY, is she here yet?" Before the computer could respond there was a muffled bump and a quiet squeak from outside the room.  
"Yes sir, Miss. L/N has arrived and is in the kitchen with Mr. Barnes." The cool woman's voice replied. It had taken point three seconds for the team to put together the fact the strange noises came from the kitchen. Before Tony and Steve scrambled towards it.

       --//--//--//--

**A few hours before:**

  
You dragged your suitcase behind you as you exited the airport and hoped it would be easy to get a cab.  
Not for the first time. You had thought it would have been easier to let your godfather handle the trouble of travel, but no. You had told yourself firmly. That you where an adult.  Perfectly capable of sorting out and paying for your own travel expences. Even if the plane is delayed for more then two hours and the guy that sat in front of you clearly didn't believe in deodorant.  
Once you told the address to the cab driver, he bragged non stop from JFK to your destination about the Avengers living in New York. You smiled politely. Nodded in the right areas, but you were so tired. Jet lag already setting in, as you had spent the whole journey being too nervous to sleep.

It had been years since you had seen your godfather and you had both grown up. You physical and mentally. Him mentally. He was now saving the world, whereas before he was more focused on saving himself for the next party.  
You paid the cab and dragged your suitcase into the towering Avenger's building. After being let in by security, you entered the elevator. You remembered your godfather telling you he had a new intelligence system.  He had updated it after J.A.V.I.S became Vision.  
"Em, Ms. FRIDAY? " you felt a little stupid talking to thin air and hoped you called the right name.  
"Yes Miss?" The woman's voice filled the elevator  
"Is em, is Tony ..I mean...Mr Stark..here?"  
"Yes Miss. Sir is in the living room. " the elevator stopped. "Along the corridor, past the kitchen, Miss. You can leave your suitcase by the door."  
"Thank you." You said to the ceiling, slipping out of the door and leaving your case by the wall. You could hear a low murmur of talking and you guessed the TV. The lights were dim. You could still see as you walked silently into the kitchen. You looked around slowly while you made your way to the other door. You were suddenly slammed into the kitchen cupboard by a huge solid force.

  
The force immobilised you. Cold presser wrapped around your throat. A warm hand held one wrist against the cabinet.  A firm knee wedged itself between your legs and hips pressed against your own. You were nose to nose with your attacker when you recognised him.  
"Bucky?" You croak. The presser against your throat tighten momentarily. Before he released your neck and leaned his top half away from you to take a better look. He didn't let go of your wrist but stopped pinning it.  
"(Your nick name)"  he looked confused "what are you doing here?"  
"Me? What are you doing here?" You both spoke low as if aware that the others might over hear you.  
It had been over a year since you saw the man before you. He didn't look as angry or as frighten as you remembered him looking. He still had this bad boy vibe and that edgy look in his eyes. Like he could take you apart in every way.

"Y/N?" You heard your godfather call from the doorway to where you guess was the living room. The lights raise and brighten. You became aware that you and Bucky had been staring at each other. He still had you pinned to the cupboard from the waist down. "Hey Frozon," Tony made a shoo motion with his hand, eyes flicking between you both with a hard edge. You recognise the person behind him as Steve Rogers aka Captain America. The blonds eyes were locked on Bucky.  
Tony frown when Bucky didn't move away and turned to you or what he could see of you around Bucky's bulky frame. "I don't remember you being this tall Y/N" he grumbled. Bucky quickly removed his knee and himself from you. You shrunk a few inches back onto the soles of your feet. You had moved onto your toes when you had pushed against the cupboard. The heat from his body still lingering on your skin. Just as it used to do.  
You looked up at Tony and smile as he held out his arms to you. As he hugged you, you got the feeling he was sending a glare at the dark haired man behind you.  Tony gripped your shoulders when you parted.

"Introductions!" He called " you've met frozen soldier mark 2, this is mark 1 or Steve." Both men frown at your godfather, before Steve smiled shyly at you with a nod.  
"Ma'am" you smile back at him.  
"Y/N please."  
The three of you make your way back to the living room. Here you were introduced to the other three as Clint unpaused the game he and Natasha were playing.  
""These are the guys. How was the flight? I told you. I'd have gotten my plane to pick you up. All those sweat bodies and crying babies.Uh."

Tony spoke fast not letting you answer before he shivered at the people. It made you smile. He was always the talker something you admired about him. You where the opposit. Offen more comfortable in your own head. You were quiet and reserved. Sometimes you said the wrong things, and it haunts you late at night when your trying to sleep. You knew Tony was a people person. He always surrounded himself with people, but with few that he trusted completely. You had a few close friends and preferred keeping away from the large crowds. Your parents had said you where too cautious for a girl your age. They normally finished the conversation by telling you to be safe, and about  horror stories about girls that weren't.  
Tony was still talking about horrible flights when you managed to interrupt him.

"Thank you Tony, but I was perfectly fine. I am an adult now you know. I can look after my self." You say softly, stopping  Tony short. He paused, looks you up and down then states,  
"No your not. I remember being a teenager and you only think you're an adult. You're only, what like 16?" You knew you looked young but that was ridiculous.  
"I'm in my mid twenties now Tony. "  
"What" he look generally shocked.  
"Yes. I work, pay bills. Do adult type things."  
"Not all adult type things I hope."  
You look at him confused. He huffed loudly.  
"this is not a conversation to have with Captain innocent over there." He gestures to Steve who looks about as confused as you do. Steve confusion melted away the same time yours did.  
"I'm not totally naive Tony." He huffed cheeks reddening.  
"Yes you are," Tony then turned to you "and so are you." He turned away muttering. "and I'm not having anyone putting their hands all over my goddaughter."

He called for FRIDAY. Wanting to recheck the security measures. You tried desperately not to glance at the one man in the room that had put his hands all over you.

Bruce stretched and got up. "It's getting late guys. It was nice meeting you Y/N."  
"You too, Doctor Banner."  
"Just Bruce please." He chuckled, Tony had introduced him as something different but you had already known who he was. He said good night to the others and a wave of sleepiness came over you as you stifled a yawn. 

"Come on, I'll show you to your room." Bucky had appeared behind you and spoke quietly. Tugging gently at the back of your shirt. You had already started to turn as Tony spoke up.  
"How do you know where her room is?!"  
"You spent three hours yesterday trying to decide on curtain or blinds." Bucky responded without turning around as he headed towards the kitchen. Tony looked unsure. It was at that moment you knew he wasn't comfortable with Bucky knowing this or where your room was or how friendly he was to you.

"Don't worry Tony, I can handle him." You tell him quietly.  
"Honey, grown men can't handle him" he signed deeply. He believed you don't truly know anything about this man.  
"There's the problem, you're men." You shrug before sayings good night and following Bucky.

Natasha looked away from her on screen character celebrating its win over Clint "I like her."  
"Don't you have someone to bite, Widow?" Tony shot back. Natasha levelled him with a glare as Clint chuckled and Steve told them goodnight.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was late and you get a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping I've got the translation right. If not I apologise.

It was late the next night, you woke with a start. Aware that someone else was in the room with you. You carefully roll so your arm slides off the bed. Hoping it looks natural as you take hold you the hockey stick you had put under there the previous day. The person in your room knelt behind you on the bed and was leaning towards you. Ever horror movie and ever horror game flash into your head. Why did you watch all those things?  
You swung the stick around hoping to hit who ever it was.  
Whoever it was, caught the stick and you saw a glint of metallic in the weak moon light through the gap in the curtains.  
"Still with the hockey stick, (nick name)" a deep voice murmured, with a hint of amusement. You relaxed your body knowing exactly who it was. Not a zombie or a blood thirsty mechanical robot.  
Muttering a swear word at him as you put the stick back beside the bed and sit up.  
"Scare a girl to death why don't you, James." you hear a quiet chuckle. He shifts on your bed and you cross your legs to copying him. You wave a hand and the lights in your room turn up so they are still dim but you can see each other. The man before you looks tired, dark marks under his eyes and he was paler then you remember him being. He look like he had woken up from another nightmare.  
"Hey," you say softly. You wanted to reach out and touch him, hold him and tell him it's ok but you know it's best if he reaches out first. He gives you a small exhausted smile, before focusing on your hands.  
"Hey." he whispered. He reached out his human hand and brushes his knuckles against your hand that is resting near your knees. You turn your hand over so he can take it if he wants. He does and he pulls it into his own lap. Idly twists his fingers around yours. Dragging his digits along your skin with a gentle softness he forgets that he has.  
"Did you ever make it to Romania? " you ask him after a few moments. He nodded, not looking up but you could sense the frown on his face. "What was it like? How long did you stay? Did you learn any of the language? What's the culture like? The people? Did you see the Caspian mountains? vampires, castles? " you always wanted to travel but were determined to pay for it yourself.  
As yet the small apartment you rented took most of the money you earned. The trip to American wasn't a cheap one, but you were not going to touch your family's money unless it was the last resort.  
Bucky looks up finally and gives you a patient smile, with something else hidden in his eyes.  
"Mi-e dor tine înger" ((I miss you angel)). He reached out his flesh hand to gently tilt your chin with his fore finger and thumb. "ar trebui să facă mai mult gem de prune"((you should make/do more plum jam)).  
You have no idea what words tumbled out of his mouth like water, but you knew your eyes lite up. You gifting him with a smile of your own. Drawn in by the unfamiliarity of the language wrapped in the familiar sound of his voice.  
"What did you say?" You have always been so eager to learn knew things. Bucky just smiles, hiding it behind your hand, which he raised to kiss the back of. You try desperately to stop the heat raising to your cheeks. You shuffle forward, almost touching his knees with your own . You knew, you weren't going to get a straight answer from him. All because you recognised the tiny hint of mischief that twinkles in the corner of his soft blue eyes. It was such a rare sight you didn't want of extinguish it.  
"What else did you learn?" Bucky spent the remainder of the night telling you all about Romania. 

Before you knew it, you were waking up with his metal arm wrapped around your back and your face hidden in his warm, firm chest. You take a moment to pier at him through your lashes. One of your hands were incasked in his larger one and you were sure that you couldn't escape if you tried. Bucky was laying on his back with you half on top of him, your entire length pressed against his side. You weren't small by normal standards but beside Bucky you felt tiny. He was a mass of muscle. Big, strong, firm muscle and you ....were definitely not. You were softer, rounder with more shape then the "perfect" images the media force down your throat. You were bigger in some parts and smaller in others.  
You were deep in thought about starting another attempt at losing a few inches off your thighs, when you felt Bucky stir. His mechanical arm bringing you closer to his chest while he murmured into your hair.  
"Thinking too loud, кукла" he lightly brushed his lips against the skin on your forehead. кукл was the one word you vaguely knew. Russian, you think.  
It was always кукла or Ангел мой when Bucky was tired or closer to his soldier self and doll or darlin' or sweetheart when he wasn't. You noticed his accent changes as well, one moment it sounded like he was Russian, the next he was from the Brooklyn. It took you a while to get used to.  
You look up, muttering a quiet apology into his skin. He releases your hand to stroke the skin on your cheek with the back of his fingers, leaving your skin tingling. It had been a long time since he last did that and your heart speeds up at the memory.  
The weight of his gaze is heavy on you for a long moment before he moves just enough to kiss your mouth. He tastes like you remember. You slowly switch positions so your on your back and he is half over you. The hand that had been on your face sides down your waist to you hips. He squeezes enough so that you will remember his touch later on.  
Then as easily as that, you return to the same pattern of activity you had created the previous time you had met.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Tony go to a gala together, only someone decided to bring a weapon.

  
After spending over a month with your godfathers tower and with the superheros. Tony had been talked into going to a benefit gala and he was detrerime to take you with him.   
You had meant to be going home. Back to England but Tony had found excuses to keep you another week or two.  
You were sure he wanted to show you off.   
You had no idea why.   
There was nothing special about you, but he had somehow talked you in to it.   
You think it's just because the others down right refused.  
When the time came Nastasha had taken it upon her self to "help" you get ready. Hours of hair and make up and a dress that was far tighter then you would have picked out, she finally deemed you ready.   
After negotiating your shoes out of the elevator. You found Tony in the living room with Steve, Clint and Bucky as he tried to get them to come with you both. They all stopped to look at you once you reached them. Clint and Steve made approving sounds at you while you were trying hard not to blush at the attention. You could feel Bucky's gaze heavy on your skin as he dragged his eyes slowly over every patch of you. It made your skin itch with flames flickered from the inside. That man knew exactly what he was doing to you, you were sure of it.  
"Y/N! Why don't you look radiant." Tony smiled charmingly and took both your hands in his. "You're so" he paused looking you over again. "Grown up" and if you saw his eyes start to water a little, you said nothing. Instead you grinned at him and hugged him tightly.   
When you were younger Tony was constantly popping in and out of your life but the vistit became further and further apart until you were lucky to see him in person. You didn't realise how much you had truly missed him until now. You were suddenly glad it was just the two of you tonight.  
You said goodbye to the others as Tony turned on his more dramatic persona. Steve kissed your cheek softly and Bucky whispered something in Romania in your ear. The little shit knows you won't understand him but the tone was clear. The dress would be lucky to survive for another outing once you get home.

\--//--//--//--//--

The tower was quiet with Tony out of it. The permanent residents had all drifted towards the main living room. They were doing their own things while the TV played in the background.

" _News just coming in, reports say a incident has taken place at the Charity Blue Bird Gala. It has been yet to be confirmed,  but sources say that shots have been fired. An evacuation is currently underway. We'll keep you up to date as news come in._ " the newsreader said.

The room was silent as everyone stared at the screen. Clint and Natasha shared a look before returning their gaze to the TV. Steve sat at the edge of his seat a frown on his face. He was about to get ready to spring into Captain America mode when a text came through to him and Bruce's phone. Bruce had been looking over some data on the Stark Pad with a contemplative expression, but now it was worry, as he put the pad down and watched the tv.

**_Text retrieve from Stark, Tony_**  
 _Cap', everything cleared up. Don't send in the party. Be back in a few hours_.

"Tony says everything is under control." Steve muttered to the others. Befor he noticed his childhood friend's death grip on the can of soda, he'd been drinking from moments before. "Buck?" The can lost its fight against the older Soldier and was now a deformed mess. Bucky's blue eyes snapped to Steve's.  
"Is sh- are they alright?" His voice was low and sad like he expected to worst.   
"He er, didn't say." Steve said slowly, they wasn't much love lost between Tony and Bucky.   
They tolerated each other at best. So the only reason Steve could think of about why Bucky asking that, had something to do with Y/n. Steve wasn't stupid. He'd seen the way Bucky reacts everytime you were in the room. He sits up straighter, the glint in the other mans eyes shone out from his face. Although, Steve had never seen the pair of you say more then a pleasant greeting towards each other.  The way the pair of you moved around each other with practical easy made Steve think there was more to your relationship. He had seen the quiet conversation the pair of you had before you have left this afternoon.  
Bucky's jaw tighten, as he watch the news coverage.

" _News just coming in about that incident at the Blue Bird Gala. We can confirm that shots have been fired. The police have now arrested the people involved. Reports claim that up to 15 people have been injured, non are thought to be life threatening.  One of the guest included billionaire Tony Stark. He is otherwise known as IronMan. However it is claimed he is not among the casualties. He was seen getting into a ambulance. It is believed that his partner tonight was also in the ambulance. It is still unknown if she was injured or not."_

_**Text retrieve from Tony "Fe-Male" Stark**_   
_Brucie,need you. Hospital now. Y/n is hurt. Dr. say she is ok but-just get here!_

  
Bruce would have normally scoffed at what Tony had done to his phone. He was worried about Y/N. Bruce left the tower for the first time in weeks, telling the others that he would get Tony and you.

\--//--//--//--//--

It had been a few hours later when you guys made it back to the tower. Steve and the others met you by the living room door once FRIDAY informed them of your arrival.  
Tony looked a mess. He ran his hands in his hair, suit and tie undone and he look like he had aged ten years. He tried to make it to the bar in the room but Steve blocked his path.  
"What happen? Where's y/n and Bruce ? How is she?" Steve started looking behind Tony as Bruce appeared. He was half dragging your clumsy body with him. 

"Y/n? She's fine. Flying higher then Thor, but she's good." the tight tone Tony uses only confirmed the others suspicion of his worry. Tony was close to breaking down as he gazed back at you, while Bruce tried for the umpteenth time to put you bandaged arm back into its sling.   
You chuckled drunkily at him. Swaying and staggering about even with his hold on you. Then you seem to have sense the others watching you. You look up and offer a dreamy grin, stumbling clumsily away from Bruce and towards them. Your once pretty dress spattered with dried blood. Your left bicep had a thick white bandage around it and a white sling hung lose around your neck.

"Hi guys! When did you get here?" You had flung out your arms, then covered your face with your right hand as you started drunkily laughing again.  
"Like I said. She's on the good stuffs." Tony eyed you carefully. He started to hover about a foot away from your shoulder with Bruce on the other side in case you fall.   
"Should she be out of the hospital? Are you alright y/n?" Steve asked concerned.   
"I'm fantastic." You grin and promptly trip over your feet. They all moved to grab you before you hit the floor. Bucky who had moved to be Steve's shadow when you enter, shot out with the speed only he had and caught you in his arms.  You looked up at him confused but grin happily once you see the familiar cool blue eyes.   
Even if they are unfocused. 

"Hey," you say your hands gripping the fabric of the t-shirt on his shoulders.   
"Hi" he says back softly, clamping his own hands around your waist to stop you from moving so much. Tony had made a distressed noise before making it to the bar. He poured himself a glass off whiskey with shaking hands.  
"She was shot. Through and through, luckily nothing but flesh was hit." Tonys eyes kept flickering to you and your drugged up swaying in Bucky's arms. "Now tell me about the bastard that did this. What does the media say? Was he caught?"   
Tony's sharp questions blurred into the background as did the answers.   
You watched Bucky's face, fascinated by the play of shadow on it. You lean your head on your fist while he looks at you expectedly.

"You're kinda cute ya know." You tell him. He raised his dark eyebrows, you had a way of saying things that he didn't expect.  
"OK. You're going to bed to sleep this off." He murmured more to himself then you. He then scooped you up bridle style making you squeak in surprise and grip his shoulders tighter.   
"Did you see that?" You gasp looking at him wide eyed. " the Earth just moved." Bucky bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself saying anything inappropriate. He glanced at the others and found they were all deep in conversation with Tony. Bruce somehow managed to catch his eye and nods to you both as if agreeing with Bucky's  statement.  
"Come on кукла, rest now." And so Bucky carried to your bedroom.  
"But I'm not sleepy. I wanna dance with pretty boys and shiny brigh' stars. ... The grounds moving. It's moving again. How is t'e ground moving? ....Are you doing t'is? I thought only gods and plates could move. (Gasp) are you a plate! I me'n God?! Are you a god?! You are, 'ant ya. Ya move it before. ...You have a very pretty nose you know that?"  
Bucky smiled gently down at you, as he walked towards your bedroom. He was unbelievably relieved that you were ok. You would heal.  You were here, warmth in his arms.

  
When he had first stumbled across you on the outskirts of London he had no idea that you would hold his whole being with in your small hands. You had somehow made him reconnect to being human again. It wasn't just a physical connection that you rekindled but somehow you eased the ever present guilt and self hate with in him. He felt like if he could ever deserve to love or to be loved, he would easily love you. He hopes you would love him too. Hopes and dreads.

\--//--//--//--//--

Bucky tucked you in with a soft grin, brushing your hair away from your face.  You were even more adorable than normal.   
You look up at him unfocused and grin.   
"Ya too good for me, Jamie. Might 'ave ta keep you 'round."  
"Keep me, darlin'?" He sits beside you. You nod, snuggling down under the covers. Your eyes were getting heavy.  
"Yep." You nod closing your eyes. "Might 'ave ta marry ya if ya keep 't'is up." You mumble the last bit as you drift off, but he heard you clearly.  
Bucky stared wide eyed at you.   
Did you - Did you really just say that? No. It must have been the drugs. Yes, it must have been. There was no way you would want to spend the rest of your life tied to him. You couldn't. He was a monster who selfishly kept going back to you because you made him feel better.

\--//--//--//--

Late the next day you stumbled into the kitchen half asleep and half in pain. The drugs were wearing off. Bucky had left you shortly after you woke up the first time, ordering you back to sleep beforehand.  
"Hey slugger, how you feeling?" Tony's voice was rough and it looked like he hadn't slept all night.   
"I never want to be shot again." You groan. The numbing pain in your arm was getting stronger.   
Tony hugged you tightly, trying not to touch your arm. He buried his head in your hair and you heard a faint sniffle. You simple held him tightly and squeezed your own eyes shut, hiding your own face in his shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something was wrong. You just knew it.

Thoughts

\--//--//--//--

 

It had been a few days since the gala, since you were shot. The doctors supply you with daily pain meds with Bruce watching their every move and Tony checking with him every five minutes that you were still functional. You were in the numb place that can only be reached by large consumption of pain medication but something inched in your mind. Something was off and it wasn't the hole in your arm.

  
Something was wrong with Bucky Barnes. He had barely spoken to you lately. In fact it seemed like he was trying to avoid you whenever he could. You were starting to think that the pain from that night had made you say something you didn't remember. You had struggle to think of anything you could have said to get this reaction out of him. Sure you've seen him on his off days but this is different somehow. You wonder if something else has happen and he's not told anyone.

  
It was a week before you could confront him. You wanted your friend back. You wanted to know that he was alright but somehow it turned into a shouting match that spilled out into the communal living room.

  
Tony had once told you that he was positive that within ever woman, there is a lioness waiting to burst out. Apparently all it took for yours to come to the surface, was James Buchanan Barnes being a bigger ass then usual.  
You could feel blood beating in your veins. Pumping hot and loud in your ears.

  
"This isn't the 1940s James, you don't get to decide how I feel or what I do." You're nearly shouting as you storm after him. The clearer part of your mind plans to follow him to the door then let him leave. You have never felt such anger at anyone before. Maybe it was because the last week you've been numb to everything and this sparked the first true emotion you've had. Or maybe it's because the closest person you've ever been to is pulling away from you like you are nothing but a throw away magazine.

  
The set of his jaw and the twist of a fist with his metal arm assures you that confronting him further would only end badly for both of you. You're angry at yourself more then him. You should never have let him charm his way into your life. Into your bed. You had been so careful about everyone else, but you had let your guard down again for this one man. That was your mistake. You guess you are seeing his true colours now.

  
He spins around fast making you stumble to a stop. He glares at you, and for a moment you understand completely why people are terrified of him. He looks almost demonic at that moment. Towering over you. Pure rage all directed in one direction. You would later wonder if this was The Soldier you were seeing.

  
If you felt anything less then the unadulterated rage at this moment, you would have done the smart thing and retreated. Let the argument die out. You had never argued like this before. Sure you had disagreements. You had bickered over little things but nothing compared to this.

  
"You best do as I say, little girl." He growls. The insult surprises your . Cuts into the anger. You snort and raise your head up. You are not going to let him see how much it hurt you. How much he frightens you now that the rage has been shocked out of you. "You're not worth my time."

  
Okay.

  
That hurt.

  
That really _hurt_.

  
You throat and chest tighten and you feel your eyes start to water. You stubbornly refuse to let them fall.

  
You hear a gasp and vaguely remember that the others are in the room with you.

  
You ignore them.

  
"You once said, I made you feel human again. I must have done a bad job. Turned you into some assholed jerk." You struggle to think clearly. " you are, just like all the rest, Barnes." For a brief moment you think you see the anger in his face flicker to hurt. Why should he be hurting? He's just ripped you apart. "You're nice until you get what you want. Then straight back to being a jerk." You won't cry in front of him. Won't give him the satisfaction of knowing how deeply he wounded you. His mistake was helping to build your confidence years ago. You'd be damn if he knew he was taking that away from you too.

  
He takes a step forward, not quite towering over you but the effect is still the same.

  
"Then you should know from experience. Sweetheart ." He snarls at you. He made the once affectionate word splash at you like acid.

  
You swallow. _Hard_.

  
"Hey! Guys! That's enough." it's Steve but your focused is on the man before you. You can't keep the shattering heartbreak within much longer. You lash out with words. You've never been physically violent and you weren't going to start with him. You won't give him that sick satisfaction either.

  
"The nightmares you have, about being a monster." You start, stepping up to him. You'd never pull off being intimating but you're not thinking clearly right now. You're not shouting, but you are struggling to keep your voice calm and even.   
You know how to hurt him. Just like he does you.

  
"You never needed the super soldier formula, or Hydra to make you one. You already were one." You spit between gritted teeth.

  
Then you brush past him, marching towards the door as the others gasp and call after you.

  
You have to leave.

  
Your heart is thumping heavily in your chest. You feel like you might shatter if you stay here longer. Your small world is crumbling around you.

  
You are an idiot.   
How could you let him get that close to you? _Why_?

  
You feel the first of, you're sure, many tears slide down your hot cheek before you reach the door. It's hard to see. It's hard for you to breathe.

  
You're suddenly jerked back and slammed into the wall with a loud thud. It ricochet around your bones and into your injured arm.

You hiss in pain.

Bucky is in your space. Consuming it all. Demanding it all from you.

  
"You know nothing of monsters."

  
You look at him properly through your tear filled eyes. The others are shouting. Calling for attention and actions. They're background noise. There is nothing but the man in front of you. The closest man you've ever been with. The man who tort you that not every man had an motive for wanting to be near you.

  
You look each other eye to eye and you see it. The self loathing. The hate. The insecurity. The fear. The pain and something else. Something you've seen before but can't name. Another time you would have wanted to soothe the wounds. Help him heal, but right now you want him to hurt. Hurt as much as you are. To feel as worthless and used as he made you feel.

  
"Ok back off Termiator!" You hear the whine of Tony's iron man weapon and a blue glow in the corner of you eye.

  
"Buck! Come on man. Let her go. You don't want to do this." Steve is closest, a hand ready to grab Tony and the other reaching for Bucky.

  
Bucky moved his body to block out the others, his metal arm moves so that it covers you from the glow from Tony's weapon.

  
What was he doing?  
That wouldn't stop Tony. Only piss him off more. It would only reflect most of the blast anyway, like Steve's shield.   
Shield.  
A metal shield...  
No.   
But....  
Oh.....  
But....ah....  
That's what that look means.  
But how can he care enough after this? After everything we've said.

  
You need to leave. You need to get away from him.

  
"Was it an accident." You say quietly so only he can hear you. You're exhausted and make no attempt at stopping the tears from your eyes. "Or do you mean to destroy, every bit of good you deserve?" your breathe heaves in your chest.

Bucky suddenly looks just as exhausted as you feel. He drops his human arm, but keeps the other between you and Tony.

  
It's an empty threat from Tony. If he blasts Bucky you would be caught in it too. No matter how good a shot he is.   
You take a deep breath and close your eyes. Willing your self not to completely break down. Your whole body throbs.   
You walk away from Bucky and his silence, and the others.

This time he lets you.

  
You manage to close your apartment door before the sobs take over. Clawing out of your chest, like a wild beast escaping its cage, as you collapse against the door. You try to muffle the sound with your hands.

  
It doesn't work.

  
It hurts too much.

  
Being shot doesn't compare to this.

 

\--//--//--//--

 

Bucky stares blankly at the spot you had just been.

He'd hurt you.

Really hurt you.

The one thing he swore to himself never to do. And he did it.

It's for the best. He thinks, swallowing his own pain.

  
"I don't know what that was, but you stay away from her!" Tony growls, not taking his eyes off Bucky until he's out of the door. He looked a Bucky like he felt he was. A monster.

  
"Buck?-" Bucky cuts Steve off by walking away. He's already torn apart one good thing in his life he can't face the other one.   
Bucky feels like he's drowning. The images of your tears filled eyes, chase him down the corridors.

  
He couldn't breathe.

  
He knew you were worried about him. You had been shot days before hand and you were worried about his feelings.

He couldn't face you.

You were everything he could ever want. Everything he didn't know he needed. That terrified him. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve you. You where the light in the dark and now he had destroyed you.

  
He slammed the door to his apartment and slid down the other side of it. Tears caressed his face and he made no move to wipe them away.

  
He was empty.

  
He was hallow.

He really as a monster.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do you forgive Bucky? Do you forgive yourself?

_ Thoughts _

Warning- slight swearing

-/:-/:-/:

 

It had been one week and two days since you had seen Bucky. The air had long since lost its bitter taste from your confrontation. You'd forgiven Bucky days ago but you couldn't forgive yourself yet.

You rarely left your apartment but Tony made a point of invading it at least once a day. He wants to know what had happen between you and the terminator.

He didn't like not knowing, but was willing to let you have your privacy.....for now.

You had spent most of the first visit convincing him not to kick Bucky out. Now that you had cooled off, you knew you shouldn't have said them things no matter how much you were hurting. You needed to apologise, but you couldn't face Bucky. Not yet. Not while it felt like bard wire in your chest at the thought of him. You hadn't told tony why you were fighting, with only annoyed him more.

You were currently sat on a blanket on the roof, hugging a pillow to your chest. You hadn't noticed until you were out here that it was Bucky's pillow. The faint smell of his aftershave still clung to the fibre. You resisted putting it to your face. It would only hurt. You had another blanket around your shoulders for the chill while you gazed at the stars. They were hard to see, with the city lights.

Watching the stars always made you feel tiny compared to the universe out there. You imagined what it would be like to be out among them. Travelling the stars. Away from here.

You hear the door open behind you with a soft click. Some how you can tell who it is by the way they pause then slowly walk towards you. They call your name so softly you almost miss it. You steady yourself, before looking up at him. Your heart squeezes.

James Buchanan Barnes looks broken.

You can tell Steve has had to dragged him out of the gym again. The dark smuggles under his eyes match yours. You say nothing until he shifts and gestures beside you. You move up a little, letting him sit beside you before you turn back to the stars.

_Maybe one day I could be an astronaut._ You think. _See the stars from a different angle._

Bucky watches the stars too, before turning his gaze on your face. You ignore him but you can already feel heat starting to raise in your cheeks. Did he always look at you like that? You stuff the feeling down. He hurt you remember... and you hurt him. He shouldn't be looking at you with those big sad eyes.

You say his name the same time he says yours. You both chuckle weakly. You let him go first. If he's come here for another fight you'll just leave, stuff the apology, but you hope he's not. You want to stop the ache.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry. I was a idiot, a complete jackass." He stares at you in such a way you can't breathe. You know he's telling the truth. You want to apologise too, but you want to know why he lashed out at you.

"Buck, what happened? Where did this come from?" You ask softly. He watches you before he answers,

"What do you remember about the night you were...shot. "

"Not much." Just a drunk feeling of happiness but he doesn't need to know that. He nods to himself, looking into the distance across the city.

"When Banner dragged you in, I was so relieved. You were stumbling around like a baby deer." His lips twitch in what could be a smile. You try not to roll your eyes at his obsession with baby animals. It was a bad idea to introduce him to the Internet. "I took you to bed, and you where muttering stuff, then you said-" he cut himself off.

_So it was something I said._ Your inside squirm with hate for your self. _Idiot! What did you say?_!

"What did I say?" _Be Calm Y/N. He don't need to know of your internal beating._

"You said you'd keep me" he let out a small chuckle and a shrug. " that you'd marry me."

You nearly choked on your own tongue.

_ What?! _

Marriage was something that rarely entered your head and it choose to do it when you have no control of your mouth?!

"I put it down to the meds you were on, but then. Then I started to think about it." He turns to look directly at you.

_Oh_.

The power and emotion in those blues rendered you still, even your brain shuts up. "You are everything, everything I've wanted and what I needed. I've been a selfish old man and kept going back to you because, because you make it easier for me to breathe. You make me feel like the old me. Bucky Barnes not the Soldier. That frightens me Y/n, because I could see us together in ten, twenty years. I'm scared because I want that....but I shouldn't."

You stare at him open mouthed. You could see it yourself now. Both of you with greying hair, walking arm in arm around Coney Island, chasing after Steve. It was a nice idea.

_ What do I say to that? _

You have no idea, but there is a warmth spreading around you. You've never really saw yourself with anybody. Always convinced you'd end up alone with fifteen cats. Always convinced no one would stay long enough to want to be with you that long.

Bucky starts to squim, ready to bolt.

"Yes you should. I'm scared too." He looks at you surprised. "You're not selfish, James. I kept letting you in. You always made me, feel things, when you are beside me. " better, complete, safe, happy....loved. "And I'm sorry too, about what I said. You're not a monster."

"Yes I am. I've done terrible things. I hurt you."

"James-" he cuts you off with a look that tells you, you won't win this argument. You sign unhappily. You put the idea back in his head, you were the really monster.

This just adds to the long argument that you've had with him for years.

Bucky tenderly takes your hand in both of his then returns his gaze to the stars. You let your hand wrap around his and follow his lead in watching the sky.

 

\--//--//--//--

 

Nearly everyone in the tower had gone out. Mission, press conference or meetings. Leaving only you and Bucky. Tony had left you a upgraded taser which looked increasingly meaner the more you looked at it. You had pushed it into a draw.

You made your way to the kitchen on the communal level, in the mood to cook. You knew you wouldn't run in to anyone and had figured Bucky would be at the gym. The relationship between you was better but like an open wound, still hurting.

Putting some music on softly, you rummaged in the cupboards.

There wasn't much. Two bags of sugar, some pop tarts, five different boxes of cereal, a small basket of plums, three slices of bread, twelve apples and a sad looking brown banana.

You huffed to yourself. Racking your brain. You really didn't want to go out, or bother someone to get ingredients.

_I could make jam._ You thought. _Apple? No. I always preferred plums. Plum jam it is._

You busied yourself preparing to start cooking, when you felt a presents behind you. As if summon from his cave.

You had caught his shadow out of the corner of your eye.

"One day, you're going to do that and I will break a pan on your head." You mutter. Turning to him, you see he is freshly showered, not yet wearing a shirt and looking at you with wide unreadable eyes.

"What are you cooking?" You had figured, a long time ago that this was his superpower. Every time you tried to cook. He appeared in the kitchen with you.

"I thought jam."

_Do_ not _watch that drop of water that is curving it way down his chest. That's what he wants or he would have put his shirt on._

"Plum?" He had a hopeful expression on his face.

You nod. Turning back to measure the sugar.

_If you're not looking at him, he can't uses his body to distract you._

The drop of water pauses by his belly button. Glistening on his abs. You glance at it involuntarily.

_Damn it! Maybe he didn't see_.

You catch a hint of a smirk.

_ Cunning Bastard. _

He backs away and puts on his shirt, at your glare. Seating himself by the island he watches you work, silently.

Once upon a time this would have freaked you out. You would start chatting about anything to fill the void. You weren't a people person so you had no idea how to talk to people but now, thankfully, you were used to it. Used to him.

 

\--//--//--//--

 

The jam was nearly done when you hear him move. You picked up a unused utensil and hold it out at arms length behind you. An awkward angle, yes, but it does its job as you feel a light pressure touch the object in your hand.

You stir the contents of the pan before turning to him. He wasn't looking at you, but at the small utensil pressing against his chest.

A teaspoon.

The man who could take out army's and beat up superheroes was pouting at a teaspoon in your hand. You fail to hid your smile when he glances up at you.

"You stay away until it's finished." Many of the things you bake or cook up don't make it to the cooled off stage when Bucky was around. The man gives you a look that would shame a puppy and scrambles back to his chair. Not before taking the teaspoon and kissing your palm.

You had discovered cooking made super soldiers emotional. More affectionate, more nostalgic. Steve had once muttered that it reminded them of home, before the war. Everything now was take outs and restaurant food with unpronounceable names that still left you hungry....and broke.

Twelve minutes later you were putting your cooking pot in the sink for washing when larges hands grabbed your hips. You were spun around and backed to the cupboard. A mouth on yours and a familiar taste of Bucky and plums. Well at least you knew he liked it. That was one jar that wouldn't make it to the setting stage.

The kitchen fell away as Bucky lifted you onto the counter and moved your legs apart to slot his hips between them.

 

\--//--//--//--

 

When the others arrive back. Surprisingly at almost the same time. They noticed new jars in the kitchen as they shuffle passed it and a cooking pot on the draining board. A muffles squeak alerts them onto high alert. Carefully they approach the living room, while reaching for their weapons of choice.

The first thing they saw was your sock covered feet kicking and squirming in front of the sofa. The next was the back of Bucky's head.

"The fu-!" Tony started bouncing forward. The sudden unnatural urge to kill flooding him.

_ What in the hell is that animal doing to my goddaughter ?! _

You and Bucky jump in surprise. No one should be back for another couple of hours, yet here they are. They had walked in to find Bucky straddling your hips on the floor in front of the sofa, your shirt pulled up just enough for his hands to be beneath it. Echoes of yo ur laughter still ringing around the room.

You try not to laugh at Tony's face as it changes into many different shades of red, but it's the ghost of Bucky fingers on your skin that have you biting your tongue.

"Buck?" The set of Steve's jaw confirms that you should definitely not burst out in uncontrollably giggles. Thankfully Bucky has mastered the stoney face, something you are incapable of right now.

"We were playing" he says, it sounds more like a question even to your ears, but before you can roll your eyes at the vague answer his fingers brush your sensitive sides and you snort with laughter.

The remaining Avengers relax and start to shuffle away. You choke out profanities between mouthfuls of air. Bucky smirks down at you.

"Language darlin'. There's kid present." You've calm down enough to catch Steve's frustrated huff. Tony is still standing beside the sofa. You're not used to his silence. His stillness.

You push gently at Bucky's knees and he helps you stand. You move towards Tony but he hold up a hand and moves away from you.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out something surprising.
> 
> Warning for swearing

 

You spend a lot of time with Tony. After him and the team came upon you and Bucky in the living room, he's been strangely quieter then usual. You had spent a long night and most of the next day discussing with him, about the fight between you and the terminator. You'd told him that you and Bucky were both adults and able to talk without inflicting war on each other.  
Tony didn't like it. Didn't like that you and Barnes were clearly more then distant acquaintances.  He didn't like that he was starting to notice that on the few times all three of you were in a room together, the ex-assassin seemed to follow you like a flower facing the sun.

\--//--//--//--//--

You groan as you tried to stretch out on the bed. Feeling the now familiar pull in your arm you wince and hiss through your teeth. You stifle a yawn, still tired after going to bed early. Healing definitely takes it out of you.  
It had been nearly two months since you where shot and you were sure the drugs they kept giving you, to fight infection and to lessen the pain were making you ill. You figured you might have caught a bug of something, and your body was to busy fixing your arm to fight against it aswell. You made a mental note to ask Bruce about it later when you went you a check up.  
Your stomach rolled dramatically as you sprang towards the bathroom. You were mentally glad that Bucky wasn't in the room with you. You couldn't deal with his concerned hovering right now.  How Steve ever managed him in that mode, you will never know.  
You don't throw up but you don't make any plans to stray far from the bathroom. Maybe you've eaten something the meds didn't like? You drink a glass of water slowly hoping it will settle the party in your stomach.

\--//--//--//--//--

You watched as Bruce made up a needle ready to take your blood. A  requirement to see if it is the new meds that are making you ill. You squirm nervously.  
The first time he had taken blood you stared giggling uncontrollably. Tony had been with you and had freaked out.  
"How can she be laughing with you sticking that great _thing_ in her arm?! " he had squawked eye the large needle like it was something terrifying. It was.  
This time Bruce had shooed him away, you had found he can be quite manipulative when he wanted to be. Bruce had this ability to look at everything he was dealing with like it was something under a microscope, whether it was new technology or a human.  
He took your arm and you wonder if the other guy, the Hulk, skin would be as warm? You don't voice this random question. Bruce gets flighty when question about his alter ego, only Tony gets away with it, mainly because he has no filter most of the time.  
When he is finished he hands you some ginger tea.  
You sign.  
You miss English tea. You miss your tiny flat and your kettle and your bed and your fluffy blankets. You miss home. To your horror you feel your eyes start to tear. You brush them away before Bruce notices.  
Bruce confirms that it will be a few hours before he gets results and you shuffle off for a nap before Tony is let back into the lab.

\--//--//--//--//--

You wake to the sound of your phone dinging. You check the time and find that four hours have flown by.  
_Wow, I didn't know I was that exhausted._  
You think to yourself as you check the message. Bruce wants you back in the lab, somethings has come up with the results and he's distracted Tony away from the lab. You yawn and stretch before shuffling out of the door. You feel a bit better, maybe the tea worked.  
When you arrive at the lab, it quiet and Bruce hustles you into a chair looking equal parts adorably flustered and a tad embarrassed. He leans heavily against the glass worktop in front of you, he holds his glasses in one hand and absently chews on one of the ends while he thinks about what he has to ask you.  
"Y/n. I've for some abnormalities in your blood work. One I think I can identify, but erm, while you've been here, after you were injured, have you-did you," his face flushes more, and he moves his hands around like he is trying to grasp the words he needs from thin air. It's a very Tony move and you start to wonder just how many hours a day the two spend together.  
"Say it scientifically if it's easier. I'm sure I'll get it." He shoots you a small smile. You figure being shot and being in the meds have made the abnormalities in the test and try not to worry about it.  
"Have you had sex in the last five weeks?" He says in a rush  
"See that wasn't so-" you stop when you realise what he had said. You already feel heat racing to your face. He didn't say that, did he? "Excuse me?"  
"Have you had sex, lately?" He says slower.  
If the ground could open up and swallow you, now would be a good time.  
"What does that have to do with anything?" Even to yourself you sound a bit hysterical. You look around the room. Searching for Tony or Bucky or someone to jump out at you.  
"Everything" Bruce gives you a patient look, you've seen him give it to Tony many times. You blink at him in hopes he would carry on. "It looks like you could be, pregnant." He watches you for a reaction but you only blink at him. It's like he's saying words at you and you don't understand any of it.  
Bruce shifts uncomfortably under your gaze. "I'm not this kind of doctor. I can send for a proper medical doctor if you want. This kind of thing isn't my field." You continue blinking at him. "Y/n." He gets no response, as your own brain highlights the word _pregnant_. "Y/n?!"  
"Can't be." You blurt out, half in thought. "I can't be." You start again, " I got the, the thing," you gestures wildly to your arm. Your bandaged arm. You stop and stare at it like it had personally betrayed you.  
"Implant. Must have been a million to one chance." Bruce mutters softly, watching you process.

  
_Fuck_.

\--//--//--//--//--

You had sneaked out and brought a few home test, while Bruce was contacting the proper doctors. He was adamant that you needed one and while he was ok at patching people up (normally under protest) it wasn't his field. He wasn't a medical doctor.  
You sat on your bed, knees to your chest, one arm around them the other holding the last test you did. The first had been positive, the second negative.

  
_Why in the hell was this test not staying still long enough for you to read? Was that a + or a - ? What kind of crappy test is this?!_

  
You couldn't make out what the last one said.

 __  
Have I given it long enough?  
What if it was negative? What if it was positive?  
Can I be responsible for a defenceless life? I've got by on your own up to now but it wasn't easy.  
What if this kid hated you? What if I'm  a rubbish parent and they grow up to hate us both?  
I'd have to tell James. What would he say? What would James say?! This will be his child too. How am I going to tell him? What am I going to say? What if he doesn't want this?  
I could look after this child anyway. If he didn't want it.

You took a deep breath. Glancing at the test again.

 _  
Oh.  
Looks like I will would be looking after my child anyway_.

You felt hot and cold and joy and fear.

 _Oh god, oh god, oh god. What am I going to do_?!

You pull the blanket tighter around your shoulders.

 _What if I'm a bad parent? I've never held a baby before, how can I look after my own? Oh god, oh god._  
What am I going to tell Bucky?  
What about Tony?! He's going to hate me forever. Oh god, oh g-  
WAIT!  
I don't remember putting a blanket on.

You cautiously look around to find a fluffy blanket around your shoulder. The last time you saw it, it was in your chair by the bed. You glance at it and find it occupied.  
You freeze.  
Your brain makes a squawk in surprise and the only words it forms is _fuck_.   
His beautiful blank face stares at you.

You blink slowly.

_Maybe he hasn't noticed what you're holding?  Yeah try to carefully lower your arm without him noticing._

_ How long has he been here? How did I not see him come in? Stupid sneaky assassins.  _

  
"Is there something you want to share with me." He never takes his eyes off of you.

  
_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck_.

  
"Maybe?" You say slowly. You had wanted to confirm it with Bruce's doctor friends, wanted to come to terms with it yourself before telling anyone. In truth you're absolutely terrified right now. A _child_.  
"I thought you couldn't-" he inclined his head to where you tried to hide the test away.  
"Lucky shot." You try to laugh.  
Bucky stands and moves to sit beside you on the bed, curving his arms around you and tucking his chin into your shoulder. He reaches around and pulls out your hand and its death grip on the test.

The small plus sign is bold.

His arms tighten around you and you rest your head against his.  
"Bruce is looking for a doctor, to confirm it, he says this isn't his field. " You're not sure how he will react. You're still not completely ok after your fight, what if this sparks it up again?  
You wait for him to leave. To yell at you. To freak out. Part of you still wants to freak out.  
Bucky sign heavily and buries his face in your neck. His human arm pulls you securely against him.  
"Then we wait." He says and you think you feel a small twitch of a grin on his face from where it presses against you.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confirmation

Warning- swear words and cavities.

  
\--//--//-//--

 

You met with Bruce and his doctor friend a Dr. Leena McCoy who specialises in women's health. They took more blood and did more test. You felt a bit like a pin cushion.  
Bucky wasn't with you. You had sent him away with Steve to torment Sam for a couple of hours. Honestly you just needed some space to think.  
Dr. McCoy confirmed, that you were pregnant, and set up another appointment at her clinic.  
Fear and excitement rumbled through your veins.  
This was really happening.  
What were you going to tell your parents? Tony? The others?  
You decide to wait, get the first trimester out of the way. Give you chance to come to terms with the little life brewing within you. You smiled to yourself in the elevator, imagining Bucky's blue eyes and his rare smile on a babes face.  
Your stomach rumbled, declaring it had been far too long since your last meal. You had been too nervous to even think of food this morning.  
You went to the kitchen, deciding on toast, and jam, and tea. Could you even have tea any more? Maybe you'll just have water until you check up on it. You pass Sam and Steve in the living room, Sam was yelling insults at the tv screen. You carried on to the kitchen and found Bucky staring at the open fridge. You waited a few seconds but he didn't move. You did however, reaching past him for the bread and left over jam. Again there wasn't much in the fridge. Does it ever get stock up?  
Bucky follows your arm up the your face. He now stares at you instead. You nod, not wanting the other two to hear you.  
Bucky grins, slowly at first then like a child in a candy shop, before kissing you soundly on the mouth. You're slightly dazed as he holds you tightly to his chest and alternate between kissing your face and hugging you.  
Images of children that look a mixture of you both dance behind his eyes.  
"Hey Buck?" Steve shouts before entering the kitchen, taping on his phone. "We got a mission. Suit up. We leave in two hours. Oh hey y/n. " you wave from be side the toaster. "What got you so happy, Buck?" You glance at Bucky, finding a grin still on his face. Bucky stumbles for a moment before picking up the jar beside you and unscrewing the top.  
"This is good." He tell Steve while sticking his fingers in it. You scowl at his manners, watching him suck jam from his fingers before shooting you a wink. You roll your eyes at him, turning to hide your own grin.

\--//--//--//--//--

An hour later you say goodbye to Bucky in your room. He looks at you differently some how. More intense, more amazement, More- you don't know. You can't name it.  
He kisses you gently, then kneels before you. You know you look slightly confused as he kisses your belly and gently rests his forehead against it.  
"I want them to know they are loved, from the moment we knew about them. " he says softly, using his human hand to caress it . If you said your heart didn't melt at his words, you'd be a liar.  
"Them?"  
"To early to know if we are having a boy or girl. I don't want to talk about our child like they're an it. A meaningless object. " he's standing now, but frowns as he runs his hand gently over the place he just kissed. You feel a warm glow inside you. The affection you have for this man is unbelievable. You cover his hand and lean up on your toes to kiss his forehead, banishing the frown as you do. You smirk at him.  
"And here I though you wanted twins." His eyes widen slightly before matching you grin.  
"Maybe later" he winks " if Tony lets me keep my body parts."  You both chuckle at the very really danger of Tony.  
"When are we going to tell him?" He asks once you both calm down.  
"I don't know" you shrug " I want to get used to the idea first. Maybe pack my bags" you give a soft chuckle, looking around your room. You're expecting Tony to kick you out.  He'd want to know who the father is to your unborn child, you won't lie to him.   
You think of going back to England. Your empty flat. You're sure your job won't be there anymore, you've taken too much leave by now. You'd have to find a new one, but who would hire a pregnant woman?  
Bucky snorts and wraps you tightly in his arms.  
"He'd never make you leave, darlin'. If he even thought about it, I'm sure Pepper would roast him." You chuckle into his shirt at the image. You feel him press a kiss to your hair. You pull away and help him straighten out his jacket.  
"You better go save Steve, before he does something heroically stupid."  
Bucky huffs and picks up his bag. "If that punk tries to jump out of the plane again-" he mutters,  
"After the grilling he got from you last time? The poor kid couldn't look you in the eye for a week."  
"Punks going to get himself hurt." He muttered again turning to you as he reached the door. "Stevie isn't really that bad,"  
"I know, and of course he's going to be godfather. If you want, that it."  
Bucky flashes you a grin, nodding. He kisses you again. "Take care." He opens the door, flashes you a grin again and makes his leave.  
"Isn't that my line?" You call after him, watching him strut around the corner before shutting the door gently.

\--//--//--//--//--

"Hm" Clint grunts as he turns back to Natasha. She was reassembling her gun before sliding it into place on her hip.  
"What is it?" She asks not looking at him.  
"Probably nothing" he shrugs turning his attention back to his current favourite arrow head. It explodes on impact.  
"Clint" Natasha growls. She knows, he knows, she knows he's knows how to tease her with something she doesn't know. Clint gives her an innocent look which she returns with a glare, a hint of a dangerous smirk starting to form at her mouth.  
"I didn't realise Y/N and Barnes were close." Clint didn't hide his smirk as his partner tilted her head and scowls at him.  
"Explain"  
"He just left her room." He gave a vague wave of his hand towards your door, " and she just watched his fine ass walk away. Both with silly smiles on their faces." He pauses at the look he receives. "What's? The guy is like 75% pure muscle, he has a nice ass."  
"I'm not disagreeing with you. " Natasha glared down the hallway. " but how have they kept this from us? I'll talk to Barnes, then when we return, I'm searching her room." Clint gave her a look. " you don't expect him to talk so easily do you."  
"You haven't checked her room already?"  
"I've been busy. She not dangerous, but her interaction with Barnes require a revaluation."  
"You're just noise and want to see if they're fucking." She just smirks at him.  
"Of course." She picks up her bag and leaves. Clint rolls his eyes behind her before following.

\--//--//--//--//--

Tony pouts pitifully at Bruce, who skilfully ignores him.  
"She's my goddaughter."  
"I know" Bruce doesn't even look up. He's had this conversation multiple times.  
"I'm her guardian."  
"She is over 18 Tony."  
"Why can't you tell me?" Tony whines. Bruce was become immune to his charm, he'd have to try an alternative method. Bruce risk a glance at Tony, the billionaire saw this and increased his puppy eye to maximum level.  
"It's medical Tony. If she wants to tell you that's her decision." Bruce swallows, he won't tell Tony anything, but he still thinks about making a quick exit.  
"You're mean."  
"Her choice." Tony slumps into the chair beside Bruce.  
"It's nothing dangerous is it." He asked seriously. Bruce took pity on the other man.  
"She's fine. " Tony knew this was going to be the best he was going to get out of Bruce for now. The man was on high alter to Tony's charm.  
"Sooo, who was the woman you brought in? Old girlfriend? New girlfriend?" He teases  
"No Tony. "  
" that's the secret isn't it? And everyone thinks I'm the playboy. " Tony grins widely.  
"Leena is a colleague. Just a colleague."  
"Leena? " Tony glances up to the ceiling. "Scientists? Physics? I bet she wants you to help her with biology?"  
"No Tony, and she's a doctor."  
"Maybe it's more physical "  
"Tony. I can't."  
"You can...you've not forgotten how have you? I can always show you."  
"No Tony. " Tony was silent long enough for Bruce to look at him again. Tony was grinding at him, wiggling his eyebrows. "The other guy-"  
"Might enjoy it too."  
"No Tony."  
"Yes Tony."  
"You're done"  
"Wha-" Tony sprang out of his chair towards a green smoking beaker. Once it was dealt with he smirked slyly at Bruce's back.  
There can't be many Doctor Leena's in the city, and F.R.I.D.A.Y was already checking faces against names. If Bruce wasn't going to tell him, he'd find out another way, but first he would visit Y/N.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Away on a mission, Bucky just want to go home. Back to you, back to your unborn child.

  
Warnings: I'm so sorry. Tissues, loss and dark moments.

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

The mission was a standard smash and grab. Some of the items Hydra had stolen over the years were being kept in a S.H.I.E.L.D turned Hydra bunker near Miami. Increased activity had alerted nearby operatives to the increased amount of soldiers and scientists arriving. Clearly they were planning something. It was supposed to be easy, a few days at most, but Hydra had updated security to blow the items store should the entry code be wrong.

  
The code was a eye print, a thumb print and a code. Only a handful of people could gain access. The Avengers spent just over a week trying to find out who knew what and who had access to what.  It had taken another week to get all the information.  
It was a success of course, but the longer it took, the more frustrated and distracted Bucky got. He wanted to go home, wanted to be with you, while your body grew with his child. When he closed his eyes he sees children he never thought he could have, all a perfect mixture of you both. Boys and girls all so beautiful and so loved. He missed you.

  
You who would be so caring and loving toward your child and he, he who would mess the child up. What was he thinking? He has killed and maimed hundreds of people how could he care for somethings so innocent and gentle? What kind of roll model would he be? He couldn't be a father, how could he? All he knows is to destroy, how can he be anyone else?  
Steve sudden slaps his shoulder, waking him from his thoughts.

  
"Time to go back to the tower Buck, SHIELD has this now." Steve smiles, watching as Bucky came back to reality. Truthfully he was starting to worry. Ever since the argument between him and Y/N, Bucky was acting different. Steve still didn't know how the argument started or what it was about. The pair of you were tight lipped. Before Bucky was starting to be his old self again, he smiled more, the teasing glint that was always present on Bucky face before the war was back. Then it was gone. Over the pass six weeks it had started to come back and Steve started to wonder if maybe there was something Bucky wasn't telling him about his relationship with Y/N.

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

You wake suddenly.

  
You're not sure what it was that woke you, but you have this horrible feeling something bad has happened. You shift uncomfortably. You are far more aware of your moments now you have another life inside you. The thought brings a smile to your face.

  
An all too familiar twinge shoots through your stomach and lower back.

  
You go to the bathroom, feeling a little strange and wet?

  
You squint at the light and pull down your pants.

  
Blood.

  
There is so much blood.

  
You might have screamed. You're not sure, you don't remember.

  
The pain makes sense now. You didn't even think about it.

  
_No_

  
You don't remember calling Bruce but he was suddenly with you, then so is Doctor McCoy.

  
_Not my baby, please not my baby_.

  
It's a blur.

  
There is too much.

  
_My baby_.

  
The sight of blood burns into your eyes. The sight of your unborn child's last moments.

  
_Please no..._

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

What feels like hours later, you lay on your bed feeling numb. Feeling empty. The tears on your face won't stop.  
Bruce and McCoy left at some point to give you some space.

  
"Early miscarriage happen. Sadly they're very common." she had told you. " there was nothing anyone could have done." She had left her card with instructions to call her.

  
You're not sure how long you laid there. The tears and the bleeding haven't stopped yet. A small dark part of you wants to keep bleeding. To bleed out and die. It has to be better then this.

  
You hear your door open and shut gently. You can tell its Bucky by the way he steps into the room. You don't turn to him. You don't greet him, how could you?

  
You had lost his baby. The child only weeks ago he had found out about. The child he already loved.

  
You had lost your baby.

  
You couldn't even do what women have done for millions of years without messing up. You are a complete failure.  
You wait for him to shout at you. Scream at you for losing his child, because it's your fault, but he doesn't.

  
Instead he climbs on the bed behind you and snuggles against your back. He carefully and gently lets his human arm wrap around your waist and softly kisses the back of your head.

  
Somethings inside you snaps. Your body starts to shakes with sobs. You cried, and cried.  
Bucky just holds you. He never says a word. He squeezes his eyes shut as his own tears cover his face.

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

Bucky punched the punch bag repeatedly. The monogamous rhythm lulling him deep in to thought. Thoughts of a smiley baby that would never be.

  
He stopped when seeing the bag was becoming to difficult.

  
His hand throbs as he rubs his face, his legs start to buckle and he sinks to the floor.

  
"Buck?" It Steve. Bucky wonders how long he has been here. He turns his back to him. Wipes his face again and hopes Steve won't get too close. "Buck, are you ok? You've been distance these last few days." Bucky curses Steve for caring. He doesn't want to face him. Showing him the red in his eyes from the tears he can't stop completely. He had to be strong for Steve, he remembers, he always had to be strong for little Stevie. Bucky mutters that he's fine, it's an outright lie. How can he ever be ok?  He tries to walk away from Steve but his friend catches his arm, Bucky doesn't have the strength to fight him.

  
"Hey, is it, Hydra?" Steve asks softly, Bucky scoffs. As much as he wants it to be, it isn't Hydra on his mind for once. "Tony? I can talk to him. Is it Y/N? No one really understands what you were fighting about. I know you care for her." Bucky turns his face away from Steve at your name. "Buck? Tell me partner."

  
Bucky eventually glances up at Steve.

  
Steve sees a man about to break. He pulls Bucky to the side and sits him on the steps.

  
"Talk to me, buddy."

  
Bucky closed his eyes and breathed hard out of his nose. Once happy images of you and a child danced behind his eyelids. He swallowed back the images.

  
"You can't tell. Not this." Both you and he were private people, he didn't want the whole team knowing about you until you were ready. He waited until Steve nodded before continuing. "After I left, after the helicarriers crash. I met Y/N in England. It was the longest I stayed anywhere. Never expected to see her again, but she appeared here. All e/c eyes and easy smiles." He smile himself at the memory. Steve tried not to show his shock. How could this girl, this young woman impact his friend so much? He felt his own smile start in response, before Bucky became serious. " before the last mission we found out she was...she was pregnant."

  
"Buck that's great!" Steve didn't understand what was so bad about that. Bucky had always wanted to be a dad when they were younger. Bucky gifted him a small sad smile.

  
"When we came back," Bucky carried on, " Banner found me. She, we lost-" he couldn't say it. It would be too real. He turned his face from Steve's and covered it with his hand. He had to be strong for Steve, for you. He couldn't cry. Not where anyone can see.

  
He felt a pull and his face was suddenly in Steve's shoulder. When had he gotten so strong? Steve held him tight as he struggled not to sob.

  
"Buck, I'm, I'm so sorry."

  
Bucky lost his fight and he clutched his best friend to him.

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

Meanwhile Tony was busy in his lab hacking into Y/N medical files. He had found out that Doctor Leena McCoy was a proper medical doctor who specialise in women's health. Why did Bruce bring her here? FRIDAY had shown the pair and Y/N talking in the lab when he was out.

  
_Ah-ha!_

  
He was in.

Tony checked the results for the last month. Last updated over a week ago.

  
Gun shot wound healing well, should have no lingering effects apart from a scar, _and a hell of a story._ Tony added in his head. Blood tests show a few unknown anomalies, nothing life threatening, _yet_. The last one had an added note. It stopped Tony in his tracks. He felt cold and hot and he should really sit down. He stared at the words on screen, shocked.

  
**Pregnancy confirmed.**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha snoops in your room, while Thor arrives with news and a surprise.

  
It had been just over a week before the bleeding finally stops completely. That's it. Everything about your child was gone. You are numb to everything but guilt and loss. The pass week a blur.

  
Bruce and Bucky had managed to get you out of your room. Only to go see Doctor McCoy. Part of you didn't feel ready but you knew you needed it. Bucky stuck beside you. Hand wrap tightly around yours, for your sake or his, you're not sure, but you're glad he's with you. You're not sure you could do this on your own.  
Guilt bite at you.

  
_You could have done something._

  
Bucky kisses the back of your hand gently. A gesture that raises a smile to your face, but you fight it as soon as you notice, you refuse to feel happy for it. How could you?

\--//--//--//--//--

If Natasha was good at anything it was waiting. Over a week since they came back from the last mission and finally both Bucky and Y/N were out. Clint had watched them leave less then an hour ago. So she planted him near the door and slinked into your room.

  
It was tidy but lived in.

  
Natasha went for the normal hiding places; Under the bed, underwear draw, wardrobe.

  
Nothing.

  
She was in the bathroom, checking under the sink when she found them. 

  
Pregnancy tests. Positive pregnancy tests.

  
Natasha chuckle darkly. Everyone has secrets. She grinned, thinking about how Tony was going to flip. Natasha knew that Y/N would do anything but disappoint her dear god father, and carrying the baby of the man he hated was sure to get a reaction.

  


She couldn't wait for Tony to find out.

  
Should she drop hints? Watch Barnes squirm.

  
"What did you find?" Clint looked in from the door.

  
"Pay dirt." She smirked waving the tests at him.

  
"Are they what I think they are?"

  
"Yes. I can't wait to watch Barnes squirm his way out of this one" Natasha chuckled.

  
"You're not telling Stark are you? Give the kid a break, Nat, she'll tell him when she's ready."

  
"She left them to be found."

  
"Where'd she leave them?"

  
"In a cupboard, by the sink." She mumbled, Clint gave her the "parent" look.

  
"Put them back. Is that all you found?"

  
"Yeah, nothing."

  
"Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Barton, Sir request your attendance in the main conference room." FRIDAY spoke up. Clint shifted his gaze over the ceiling.

  
"Be right there." He turned back to Natasha. "Put them back."

  
Natasha snorted and rolled her eyes "not my first mission." She put the test back and joined Clint by the door. "There must be something that links to Barnes. I'll have another look when I have more time."

\--//--//--//--//--

Steve stared at Thor as the god looked sheepishly at him. Next to him, looking indifferent was his brother Loki. The pair had just arrived from Asgard with pressing news.

  
Thor stood tall, golden skin, and blonde hair brushed and braided neatly down his back, everything about him was warm. Loki was the opposite of his brother, he was dark of hair and watched the others with cold hard eyes.

  
Tony was leaning heavily beside the wall. It was the first time he has left the lab in over a week, he had dark smudges under his eyes and his eyes were red. The only nutritious he had was alcohol and the occasional bag of fruit. He'd been combing through security footage, everyone who ever smiled in your direction was analysed and reanalysed. He was going to find out who got you with child and destroy them.  
He had narrowed it down.  
Everyone outside the tower were cleared, so it was someone who had the balls to be in the tower. He hoped you wouldn't sleep with strangers, so that meant it was someone you had contacted with. You had spent the most time with Bruce, Steve, and Sam, but the incident with Barnes was still fresh in Tony's mind. You were a little too friendly in that moment.

  
But why haven't you told him? Surly you weren't afraid to tell him. Maybe you were. If Tony himself knew he gotten a woman with his child, he'd be shitting bricks. Big hulk sized ones, but he'd still be there for the child.

  
"What is he doing here?!" Clint snarled, waking Tony from his daze. Loki was leering at Clint with a hint of a smirk.

.  
"Barton," he spoke lazily with a hint of something beneath his tone. Clint growled. It appeared that it was only Natasha's death grip on his wrist that stopped him from pouncing on the god. Natasha, herself was giving Loki a look that could have killed a weaker man.

  
"My apologies, but we are here on business. It is part of Loki punishment and he is the best in Asgard to deal with what we have come for." Thor place himself slightly in front of the man he once called brother. Hundreds of years protecting his sibling didn't just disappear.

  
"Then explain, please." Steve also stepped forward meeting Thor head on. Steve like Thor, he was a good man and would make a excellent leader. Loki on the other hand, Steve didn't like. He was cruel and a bully.

  
" Heimdall has seen that you have collected a weapon of great value. We call it Hel's eye. It's a small Jewel that can do great damage." Thor explained.

  
"What does this eye do?" Asked Steve.

  
"One of the theory's is that is shows you your nightmares. Your worst fear, worst memory. A deadly weapon in the wrong hands."

  
Steve frowned.

  
"What's it look like?"

\--//--//--//--//--

When you left Doctor McCoy clinic, it was raining. Dark clouds rolled angrily around the sky. The rain felt cool on your skin. It reminded you on London. If you shut your eyes you could imagine yourself back there. The smell from Starbucks on the corner, and that posh looking Italian that you've never been in but smells delicious. You want to go home. You really want to go home.

  
A warm leather jacket covers your shoulders. You had always liked it, but would never tell the owner of it. That insufferable smirk would be a fixture on his beautiful face. Bucky puts a hand on your back and guides you towards the waiting car, surprisingly, Bruce is the driver.

  
Your not sure how he could do it. You don't even need to drive in New York to get road rage.

  
When you arrived back at the tower, it was quiet. Too quiet to be good. The others must have thought so too, as Bucky basically pushed you into your room and went into "protection mode" as you have dub.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Putting a dangerous weapon near Loki is never a good idea.

  
The next morning you went down for breakfast. As much as you wanted to, you were not going to hide away in your room anymore. You've grieved, time to carry on.  You scoff to yourself. Easier said then done.  
You woke at some ungodly hour and debated internally whether to go down before or after the main group. You couldn't quite stomach the feeling of them all watching you. Judging you. Looking at you like you had failed.  
By the time you decided it was too late. The main group usually ate breakfast between 730 and 830 it was now 843. You shuffled into the kitchen thinking no one would be around.  
Steve was standing before the open fridge deep in thought. His broad shoulders blocked the contents from your view, you gimps at his face and felt a deep pull of concern. The man before you looked troubled.  
"Steve?" You had to stop yourself from calling him Stevie.  You've barely talked to the man but the way Bucky talked about him, made it feel like this man was as good as your brother.  
Steve turned his blonde head towards you with surprise. He hadn't heard you enter. He looked at you with wide blue eyes. The eyes of a little kid taking on the responsibility of the world. It's easy to forget just how young Steve and Bucky really are. Truthfully they're barley older then you are.  
Your hair was in a messy bun, you were pale, with dark rings circle under your eyes. Over the last few weeks you had become like a ghost. He was sure only a few knew the true reason why. You looked up at him with concern and his heart squeezed. You had been through the worst, and you were crawling out the other side. Steve felt emotions swell up inside him. Both you and Bucky were putting up a strong front. Pretending you were both ok. He hugged you, wrapping his large frame around your smaller one.  
You tensed at the sudden hug. Not expecting it, before relaxing into it. You felt your eyes start to fill and shut them tightly, wrapping your arms around the blonde. You feel a weight start to lift. Ridicules as it sounds, you needed this.  
It struck you suddenly that no one had hugged you. Bucky was fighting his own emotions, sometimes it felt like he was too scared to touch you longer then a moment. Your friends were still back in England, they had no real idea about what had happened. The only other person who knew was Bruce, and he wasn't really a hugger.  
You made sure to wipe your eyes, as Steve let you go. His eyes held a powerful gaze of love and understand, you almost start crying again.  
"There's not much left, but I can just about whip up some pancakes, if you're interested?"  He gives you a small smile that reminds you just how young he really is. You nod, grateful that it was him you met in the kitchen.

Thirty minutes later Bucky was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, watching his best guy and his best girl chat over pancake. He thought that this moment, right here, was one of  the best moment of his life.

\--//--//--//--//--

You could hear Tony arguing loudly before you entered the main room, behind Steve and Bucky, who had joined you for pancakes. The rest of the team were inside, along with a tall muscly blonde and a slim dark haired man. Clint had his bow with him beside Natasha. Bruce held a important looking box, and you were sure, he hadn't blinked once since you had entered. Instead he glared at the tall man with dark hair. In fact everyone seemed to be glaring at him.  
You weren't sure who he is, but the blonde looked familiar.  
On seeing Steve, Tony called him over.  
"Rogers! Come back me up here." He called.  
"What's the problem?" Steve cast a cautious glance towards the tall pair.  
"Goldilocks and Maleficent here, want us to just hand this over. " he tapped the box in Bruce's hands. "Had to put it in the safest hands I could get. "  
The dark haired man snorted, Bruce held the box a little tighter.  
"Loki," The blonde warned.  
"We don't even know what it does." Tony continued, pacing in front of the group.  
"Thor, please, explain " Steve played peacemaker.  
"It is a great weapon. It should not be left in mortal hands. -" Thor begain.  
"Why don't I show you," Loki cut in, a frustrated sign dancing from his lips as he suddenly appearing at the other side of Bruce and pulled the box from him.  
"Loki no!" Thor reached out to grab Loki but the dark haired God was gone.  
"Great! Now what?!" Tony threw up his hands, pacing again. "What does that 'great weapon' do, Thor!? What has Loki go-"  
"This." Loki appeared behind Tony with a septa and a green glowing Jewel. He stabbed Tony in the back.  
"Uhck! Son of a- should have known you were a backstabbing bitch..." Tony trailed off, his eyes going distant as he looked around the room. There was no pain on his face and no blood. Instead Tony looked first concerned then scared.  
"Time to face your nightmares." Loki hummed with a lingering laugh.  
The room simmered, like a dark pond.

~~~~

_Bodies._

_They was a pile on bodies in - what can only be described as - a disaster zone._

_As the simmering started to settle the bodies became recognisable._

_The blue and white of a familiar uniform of Captain America was closest, the green skin of the Hulk was next. An burnt arrow, a huge hammer, blood red hair, metal leg- armed similar to Iron Man's design but painted darker. An arm, an leg, blonde hair, smoke, blood, a shield, a metal arm. The smell of burnt flesh and blood hung in the air around Tony, making him gag._

_Tony stumbled forward towards the body of Steve, falling to his knees once by his side. Tony reached out with shaking hands to check the captains pulse. Steve's skin was freezing cold and clammy. Tony started to pull back, when Steve suddenly jerked and grabbed Tony's wrist._

_Tony's scream got caught in his throat._

_"You could have saved us, Tony." Steve hissed before going limp. Tony swallowed hard. This was Wanda's mind tricks all over again, his nightmare never changed much._

_Someone grabbed hold of his shoulder and suddenly, Tony was back in the tower again. Back in the light_.

~~~~~~

"What- what the hell was that?" Tony's voiced wobbled, as he sucked in air. He stood wide eyed and still.  
Loki chuckled darkly, grinning as Steve's eyes lost focus and around them the air changed.  
You stood quietly beside Bucky, wanting nothing more then to go to your godfather, but somehow you couldn't move. The image of the team all laid dead burned into your vision. It hadn't been a clear image, more like looking into a flowing river.  
The air shimmered again and shadows started to grow and colour started to bleed into them.

~~~~~

_Steve felt a spark from Tony's shoulder. He let his figures slip from the other man as his focus was drawn away from them._

_Familiar music fill his ears. It was the sound he grew up hearing. He could hear people chatting, laughing.  
"I'm still waiting for my dance." A woman's voice curled around his ears. It almost brought tears to his eyes. He knew who it was but it couldn't be her._

_Peggy wore a blood red dress with matching lipstick. She was as beautiful as ever. She smiled at him._

_Steve saw Bucky, in a haze of dim lightning, dancing in the corner of his eye, but every other turn, the 1940s man would become paler, his hair longer and eyes colder, his handsome grin slipping from his mouth. The dame he was dancing with didn't seem to notice._

_Steve flinched as a shot rang out._

_Only it was a cork from a champagne bottle._

_The music stared to sound whine, like an air raid siren._

_His blood pumped harshly in his ears. His legs filled with tension, ready to jump into action._

_For a brief moment Steve thought his asthma was coming back and he took deep breaths to fill his struggling lungs._

_He shook his head._

_This wasn't right._

_Steve focused on Peggy. Strong, beautiful Peggy. She was still smiling at him._

_He looked around, settling on Bucky. His best friend didn't look a day over 23 when he smiled. So free and full of life. A life before the war. Steve looked to Bucky's current partner. It took a moment for him to recognise you, you where dressed like a girl from the 1940s. Steve knew Bucky would have taken you dancing if you met then but, you weren't born for nearly another fifty years._

_Steve frown and looked around. He saw Dum Dum Dugan, and Happy  Sam Sawyer, and Tony Stark, and Bruce Banner all talking and drinking by the bar._

_Steve shook his head again, then left someone grab his upper arm. A strong, cool, metal hand. Suddenly the dance hall vanished and the tower was back, a crystal clear image._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you and Loki are more alike then you first thought.

  
You watched as Bucky's gaze clouded. Steve was still breathing heavily beside him, large sad eyes taking in everything around him as he tried to ground himself.

  
The atmosphere around you became dark and cold. Flashes of Snow, and silver metals, terrible screams, and laughter. As it cleared, bodies once again covered the floor, most were strangers but a few you recognised. However this time it was clear that they had all been killed by the same person.

  
Blood stained, Bucky's hand was still around tiny Steve's neck. Choking him, when he could have just snap his neck. Bucky jerked back away from him, but little Steve gave a wheeze, and fell to his knees, before falling on his side. Lips blue, and face an unnatural shade. He didn't breathe again.

  
You couldn't let it play out completely. Couldn't let Bucky lose himself in his nightmares again.  
You had to move quickly, for more then just Bucky's sake, you gritted your teeth. You knew what your nightmare were. You reached out, and gripped Bucky's arm, you felt his over heated skin beneath the fabric of his shirt, and the tingle of electric energy curved up your arm and along your spine.

  
The scene changed as you catch movement out the corner of your eye.

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

You've been here before, many times over the last few weeks.

  
You where in a bedroom in the Avengers tower. It was decorated differently then any other room in the tower. Even in the dim light it was clear what type of room this was. It was that of a child. A baby.

  
A large pale wooden crib lay before you. A mobile of tiny Avengers bobbed above the crib opening.

  
The sound of crying was coming from the crib. Heart wrenching sobs, that have torn you apart.

  
You know in your heart, it's empty. There is no baby, with their little red face, and cool blue eyes inside it to look up at you. No baby with your cheeks and Bucky's nose.

  
You've seen this scene many times in the last few weeks.

  
Each cry rips into you with ever wail. You can only stare sadly at it, to broken to move closer.  
Loki moves, like a shadow, into your line of sight.

  
This is a first. Loki hadn't moved before, just watched with a sick amused smirk on his face. Soaking in the pain he caused.  
You hated him for that. Who could feel pleasure at hurting others?

  
He glanced into the cot. It's only because you're watching him closely, that you notice the slightest of turn down at his mouth. His sharp eyes met yours with a sneer, but somethings lingered behind it, that you couldn't catch.

  
"Can't breed correctly,Woman." His tone was filled with a sticky poison. You did your best to ignore him. Whatever he says, you've already thought it. Already shouted to yourself. Your eyes still tear. It hurts, because it's true.

  
Instead you concentrated. You hope the others don't reach out to you.

  
Then slowly, so slowly, the direction of the crying changes.

  
Loki didn't notice right away, neither did you.

  
Instead he looked you up and down. Looking for some other wound that he could pick at.

  
Movement by the door of the bedroom caught your eye. This wasn't real, you kept telling yourself, but you watch as Bucky enter, hushing at the baby in his arms.

  
" _He'd be a good dad_." You think, as he made a face at the child as it stops crying and gives a soft gurgle of a giggle.

  
The baby was covered in a pale blanket with two tiny yellow duckling emboldened on one corner, a small slither of tiny foot had broken free. You didn't know if the child was a boy or girl. If they had your chin and Bucky's eyes. You didn't allow yourself to dwell on it. Not right now. You felt tears drip off your chin, you wiped them away with your sleeve.

  
Loki did a double take on the man and child. His widened, calculating gaze snapped back to you, and before you could even think about moving. He was beside you.

  
Skeleton like pale fingers, bruising your upper arms. The background dropped but you didn't notice. To busy locked in a serpent stare with the man, the God, before you.

  
"How did you do that!? No mortal can do that!" He hissed, as he squeezed you.  
You twisted your arms so you could grab hold of his.

  
In your head you push. Push the tingling of the vision at Loki. -You have no idea if this will work, but you have to try. If not it can just be a distraction for the others.

  
His fingers and lips start to turn dark blue, his cold grip tightens. His eyes bled red as he glared.

  
Anger and fear.

  
"You got into our heads. Now we're in yours."

 

\--//--//--//--//--

 

The shimmering had stared, revealing a large throne room. A golden chair sits high upon steps at one end. The imaged never cleared, but you thought you heard a gasp. Shadows of creatures shimmered around the edges. A wolf? A snake? A horse? A child?

  
You started to burn. Like lava boiling inside you, pushing at your skin to be released. You felt both hot and cold at the same time. White noise blocked your ears, your vision darken, as you watched the man before you changed in to something more.

  
Darker blue tattoos patterns on the skin of his cheeks. He shook you hard once. Eyes widened as he watched the patterns on his face mirror on to yours. Were you a frost giant too? Hidden among these human? A monstrous  trophy hidden in plan view? 

Loki felt something push against his mind. You were strong, stronger then most. He had caught wayward flickers from you. Clearly you weren't trained you that wouldn't happen. So strong already, what power you could hold. Something sparked at him when he pushed back. Pain shot through him unlike anything he had felt before. He jerked away from you, the taste of power on his tongue. 

  
You weren't mortal, you were something more. Something dangerous. 


End file.
